Day 44

The day that I didn't give in. Its the next day already. My body feels it, my mind is just ignoring it, and the clock is showing like a pregnant woman leaking white butterflies on chest and providing the grass beneath her its watery sustenance. But I want to write this because I don't want time to pass me by. I don't want to be an onlooker to my life, a third-party candidate to what should be my story. So I'll just write dazed and confused as Maha (the Egyptian woman who has been whispering sweet nothings of Arabic in my ear. To her she is explaining something about her family and studies in basic Arabic. To me... she is explaining her undying love for me and how my eyes shine like the glistening sweat off of a pig in heat in the summertimes of Boise.)

I digress.

Today I came across a strange feeling in class, the emotion of jealousy. Since I'm working on my story-telling abilities I will provide you a beginning, a middle, an end, and a reason.

I have classes Monday to Friday, from 9 to 1. I sit in a classroom with 10 other people and develop spacial relationships with the individuals to my immediate surroundings. The girl on my right is getting annoying. Loud and Needy. The girl on my left is interesting, shes intelligent and logical, and funny. The girl to her immediate left is within the same vein of "coolness". Our class goes into pairings often, and I know the left-girl enjoys my presence, yet she chooses to work with left-left-girl... leaving me stuck with righty.

Its been a week and two days, yet I have this feeling of extending a hand of friendship. Something that has definitely been accepted by both left-girl and left-left-girl. But... not to the same magnitude. We don't get coffee dates. We don't text one another.

I'm fucking CRAZY.

I shouldn't care. I don't want to care. Jealousy is as unhealthy as deep-fried lard sprinkled with confetti sugar but served on the side of a salad (to make it a healthy choice). Anyways, I encountered this feeling. I needed to let that out so I can analyze my thoughts about it and "get over it" My head doesn't agree with my mind sometimes.

What are you feeling right now? As long as you don't say seething anger.. I'm happy.