Day 17

Today was a fail... Basically didn't leave the building the entire day. Hopefully last one. Cross yer fingers. That being said, I shall provide you with an online picture that describes my life.

A little thought. When I'm out running, or just reading, or maybe just sitting and staring out at a blank wall, I'm overtaken by my head. My mind moves at a strange pace, it's always out of sync with my body, hence when I'm telling stories or trying to explain something, huge parts are omitted or skewed. Or when I'm excited, I jump around, back and forth, fuck the whole linear sequence, its about what words can escape my head first. I have these moments daily, and I can never seem to just sit here and slow down. What I always seem to yearn for during my breaks are times when I'm supposed to be "finding my center". So I sit and I try to slow down my head, type as rapidly as I can, yet I can't seem to make the neurons fire from my head to my fingers. I either stop thinking. Hah. Or it just comes out a garbled mess. Like this, I don't know what to do...

So I just took a small bathroom break, and my heart has been pounding uncomfortably, (probably the two cups of coffee, americano and caramel lattes, respectively). And I could see my heart beating through my t-shirt. Lifted it up. I could see the chest bouncing, even when I stilled my chest by holding my breath. See, I can talk shallow and strange, but I can't seem to dig deeper than that. Why? heh... My life. 

But I hold issue to being all pensive and shit as well. I feel that writing all that shit leaves you vulnerable and prone to ridicule. Mostly by yourself. Don't understand? Not following? Go back to anything you have written in years past, preferably poetry. You'll probs scoff at yourself. I seem be waiting for a time when I feel that my writing and prose has matured enough to be considered worthwhile without being tacky and cliche. But how can I get to that level if I don't practice beforehand?